All Passion Spent - observations from Margaret

From CTBU, China, January 12, 2009 Margaret Curtis Item fourteen
All passion spent

It’s a long time since my high school days, but I remember the enjoyment of reading Sophocles’ Oedipus trilogy, and I have the feeling that Antigone ends with the words all passion spent. That phrase about sums up my feelings at this present moment.

The semester is over, my grades are submitted, groups of student are no longer coming over to my apartment to say farewell – they are up and off for the spring festival and then a long vacation. Some will travel 20-40 hours by train to reach their homes. I can only imagine what awaits them when they arrive. Many are from “farmer” or “worker” families. It is hard for them to adjust to their old family lifestyle now that they have had a taste of independent living on campus. I remember those feelings well, and I am not surprised that they confide in me about it.

Who else can they confide in? This is a society in which college students have only the support of their peers, it seems. They are crammed into dormitories 4-7 people in a room. Each student has a bunk bed with a small desk underneath – no heat, no hot water, no cooking or laundry facilities. My heart aches for them, especially when I warm up my bedroom at night. I think of them all, half way up the mountain in the cold winter air. “No problem,” they say, “we just wear the same clothes indoors as outdoors.” When I ask if it bothers them they tell me, “We came here to study, not to be comfortable”. It all seems normal to them. They show up to class looking clean and bright, laughing and eager to learn. How can I not be impressed?

CCTV9 is the English TV channel that I watch here in the evenings. Nothing but bad news about the American economic meltdown. The effects are already hitting China. Factories are closing down. Companies are “disappearing”. TV news shows pictures of thousands of new graduates trying to push their way into the work force. Many of them will have no job after four or more years of training. The sophomore students that I have been teaching this semester see it coming to them in the not too distant future. One female student broke down and wept during her final oral examination. I only asked if this semester had been good. “We work so hard,” she said, “but it makes no difference how hard we work. We still cannot get ahead. It is not fair.” I hold back the tears myself, and cannot reassure her about anything.

Some students are well motivated, but many tell me that they do not want to study in this university or in their assigned major. They have no choice. The school and the major is chosen for them according to exam scores. Neither the assigned school nor the assigned major can be changed. Some students add a second major to an already hectic schedule. “We must work harder,” they say. “It is our duty to get a good job, so that we may support our parents and grandparents.” This heavy burden is placed on such young shoulders by Confucius. “Our parents have nothing, and we must provide for them” they say. Filial duty. Again, no choice.

I’m all alone now. My colleagues have left for Singapore, Australia, the Netherlands. I too will leave this week. I will miss the closeness and support of these wonderful young students, their kindness, and their caring hearts. I have fallen in love with some of the young men, a pity about the age difference - half a century, no less! Their idealism, their selfless spirits, their determination to make a difference in the world, their courage in the face of dramatic world changes, their concern for one another - and even for me – there is no way to communicate the depth and richness of this experience. It is my honor to be here – a phrase I have learned from the students! I love them all and I will miss them all.

Word from Margaret Curtis in China

Ken, thanks for keeping in touch. I am winding down here now the holidays have finally come to China. However I will soon be under contract at another school in Ningbo, by the coast, south of Shanghai - another 5 months. I cannot drag mmyself away from China!

I miss Rotary no end. Please give my greetings to all. I am attaching a final document - I know I sent 2 before - there are 14 altogether....

My health is OK considering the toxic air I am breathing night and day. Have not needed the anti biotics.

Happy New Year to you and your family.

Margaret